Nicole started out hopeful.
Nicole was on the path to the Olympics: As a child, she was told by her coaches, parents, and even strangers that she had natural talent. She had so much promise, grew more confident in her skills every day, and future success seemed guaranteed. But along the way, something changed.
Now, she’s consumed with worry about who’s watching and what they’ll think. She starts to believe that extraordinary performances are expected of her. And praise has been replaced by disappointment. Now, whenever she is in front of a crowd, she wilts – anticipating failure until it comes to fruition. She wants to tell her Coach what she’s feeling but is scared of being benched. Her family doesn’t understand, no one seems to.
Ty wonders why this happened to him.
Ty was part of the starting five on the defending champion squad on their way to repeat. But during a recent practice, he slipped while driving to the basket and tore his ACL. Now he can’t help but constantly worry about being replaced and forgotten. If he’s not the best, he doesn’t know who he is. And it’s impossible to picture a future without his career.
His fear pushes him to start working out before being medically cleared, since the doctors “don’t know him” or “the pressure he’s under.” He doesn’t want to let down his team or coach. Ty keeps telling himself he needs to fight through the pain, and that he can come out stronger than before. But as soon as he stops for a moment, he’s exhausted and in pain. He’s terrified to tell the coach and the medical staff that he may have reinjured himself.
Scott seems to have it all together.
On paper, everything is going well: A loving wife: check; happy kids: check; nice house and car: check; a job that pays the bills: check. But a part of him wonders if he deserves to be happy.
His constant anxiety pushes him to fuss over every little thing. At work and home, everything must have its place. It’s not worth waiting for his wife to clean the dishes because she’ll only wash them incorrectly or put them away in the wrong cabinet. He knows he shouldn’t think this way but tells himself he’ll calm down once his to-do list is done. But it never is.
Pat is about to explode.
Pat’s temperature is boiling, and every muscle in his body is vibrating with anger. Something his partner said has set him off, and now he’s out for blood. Bringing up past events that have nothing to do with the current situation, and saying things that he knows will hurt his partner.
His partner has had enough and says that their relationship is over unless Pat does something about his anger. Pat wants to be calmer but doesn’t know how.
Sandra is afraid of having another panic attack.
She’s increasingly frustrated that she’s unable to control her anxiety. Sometimes it gets so bad that she can’t breathe and feels like she’s going to die– she’s even gone to the ER on multiple occasions only to be told she’s having a panic attack.
She’s terrified that the people around will notice that she’s struggling, so she’s stopped returning calls or leaving the house. It’s not worth the risk of embarrassment, she decides. As a result, her friends have stopped calling, and she feels increasingly isolated.
Oscar
Things used to be easier. Friends and grades were good.
Now, waking up every morning and getting ready for school is getting harder. Oscar thinks the teachers are stupid and the classes are boring. His friends haven’t been calling to make plans. He is failing in his classes. Nearly every day is another excuse for reasons not to go to school whether he is not feeling well, or he did not get a chance to finish his school work.
Oscar is afraid to open up to his friends because he does not want them to talk behind his back about him being weird. No matter how many friends he has, he still feels alone.
*Nicole, Ty, Scott, Pat, Sandra, and Oscar’s stories are fictionalized composites of real clients I’ve helped.